Eurovision 2012

How oh how did Eurovision miss me all theses years.  Such a fantastic pageant of spectacular song writing and dance and excitement.  It’s American Idol without the painful commitment.  It has the beauty contest hosts.  It has the results at the end of the show!  We watched it with our little peanut gallery who were glued, GLUED, I tell you to the set.

There were so many moments. So many memorable moments that we hum and dance around the house days after the big event.

Leading the show, Humperdinck.  He fell a bit flat, but you have to love the Hump.  We now have a calf named Humperdinck (‘h’ year remember?).  The Albanian Björk was intense.  The Italian Amy Winehouse should’ve stuck to Italian.  The Denmark Morissettes were strong, but meh.  The French lady’s golden chonies caught our eyes.  The Irish water boys were squinted and smiled at.  And did you know Azerbaijan was a country?  MS spellcheck did.  But the real star of the show was the SockBun.  I was first hipped to the SockBun by my fashion blogger friend, Jen.  Once you know the power of the SockBun, you begin to notice them everywhere.  Eurovision 2012 was no exception.  Eurovision 2012 took the SockBun to a whole new level.  Some SockBuns were clearly inspired by native confections.  Others were of the classical Flamenco construction.  Let us not overlook the German ManSockBun.  A lazily fitted, gray, acrylic as though he just got out of bed and wandered on the set of Eurovision 2012.  This is a ManSockbun.  Slouchy hat == SockBun.
It was the kid’s favorite, Cyprus, that cranked the SockBun to eleven.  Each absolutely gorgeous dancer wore a SockBun.  One, took your one and said, “ah yeah?  How ‘bout two, bitch.”  Jen, I dare you.  Two SockBuns takes guts.  The dancers pulled it off as did Ms. Cyprus.  The “la la love” move can also be done to most Eurovision 2012 songs.

The only threat amidst the SockBuns and the Celine de Soleil magic was the Turkish pirates.  Turkey, I tip my Turkish hat (what’s that a Fez? Is it sugar coated?  Is it a sugar coated Fez?)  to you.  No one I know can make a pirate ship with gray, capes in my neighborhood.  Who needs all these sincere anthems when we can bring pirate back!

The quality of songs, performances, wind machines, lights was incredible.  If loving cheesy, over-the-top singing contest is wrong, GIRL, I don’ wanna be rightah.

Then there were the points.  That’s when Otto really got sucked in.  He would give you the play-by-play.  Exclaiming the top three, the losers, the countries most improving was his M.O.  Any time Ms. Cyprus got the big point package, the kids would scream (and waking poor Zélie as well).

The winner?  A modern dancing Donna Summer.  Modern dance!  I did modern dance.  The pitter-patty feet.  The sudden fall to the ground.  Martha Graham.  Martha Graham.  She was fantastic.  Right on key with Mr. T.  Truly, they were all fantastic.  I’m a buzz with all the energy.  I can’t wait until next year.

Three things to leave you with:

1>    The People’s Republic of Otto would like to share with you this point breakdown.  Very Important.

8 points – Russia

10 points – Turkey

12 points – (yep) Cyprus

2>    Lucy would like to tell Norway that the guy should not be wearing stretchy pants.  “Are you insane?!!!!  A guy in stretchy pants?????”  Consider yourself advised, Norway.  Good luck next year.

3>    “Albania is screaming, “ says Minty.  There may be some truth to that.


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