Exhausted and Shampooing


I feel like my French is getting worse.  I took the pupple to the market today to see the big city.  Something so simple like, “do you have another type of honey?” was an effort.  It might be because I’m trying to get it right.  It might be because I’m exhausted.  Before my absolute drive to learn French-damn-it, I would say a noun, giggle and point.  Occasionally,  I’d toss in a verb to mix things up a bit.  But now, I’m really trying.  And consequently, I’m really failing.  Progress is being made, I no longer speak in the past.  Here I thought I was having conversations about the present times, but with my American ballet training among other influences, I mispronounce all verbs.  For example, “She falls.”  Me: Elle “tombay” … I can’t tell you how many “tombe pas de bourree” I’ve done in my life as a dancer and each one was articulated in the past.  My ballet teachers said it wrong!   I know this because I do a “Gym” class.  My instructor uses words like “chasse.”  In America, they would say “Shaw-say” ( see Rupaul,”Work”).  Chasse is pronounced, “Shauce.”  I love to shauce.  I’m very talented with the shauce.

I didn’t go to gym this week because the family has been sick.  Each year we pull in all sorts of ailments.  With four kids spanning three schools, we collect a lot of viruses.  We usually bat them away, but the last two weeks made us work.  Donc, je suis crevé.  Not je suis fatigue. No, je suis crevé. Exhausted. We’re all better now.  Which brings me to the random entry from Little Book of Calm:



Shampoo Sans Shampoo

You access the calming acupressure points at the top of the head in the most pleasurable way through scalp massage – the actions of a shampoo, but without the shampoo.


Now if one goes through all the trouble to use “sans” one might as well follow through and use “shampooing.” Le shampooing. Shampoo is masculine. Fancy hair care products love to have the French translation on their produit. I’ve always known the words shampooing and après-shampooing thanks to Aveda and friends. For me, washing your hair has a much richer experience when you are shampooing. The lather has more weight. The hair is on the way to getting styled. Ton style. That’s “tone steel.” So really, The Little Book of Calm is telling you to “Shampooing sans Shampoo” and then you will feel calm. and learn more French. And blow some bubbles because it’s sunny.


Oh Mercredi!



No French lesson tomorrow because it’s BEEF DAY!!  We’re doing “Steak Box Plus” boxes, which I list in my spreadsheet as “Bum Box.”  We are trying new ways of offering beef to those beefeaters out there.  This round, we minced the front and steaked the rear.  The rear has all the best cuts, you see.  We tried this out with one animal with wonderful reviews.  We sold out quickly.  Yeah!  And we are filling up our next offering.  So, tomorrow, no French lesson … we pack beef boxes.

I learn a lot of interesting French expressions from my children.  I have a running list of French phrases they say that crack me up ( Maximette le cacahuète qui pète ).  Today, I will share one that Lucy told me about.


This is helpful because often when things do not go to plan as they often do ( see raising grassfed beef in France ), you say “Merde!”  Which is not very nice.  Now, I use horrible language in English, I’m naturally drawn to it … must be all the 80’s rap I grew up on.  West Coast against the East Coast.  The swearing was so rampid ( yes, that was “rampant” in rap ), your swear receptors were overwhelmed and turned off.  Now with all these children, I try ( and fail ) to not use such horrible language.  I use “Fuck” … er I mean “Firetruck” ( thanks Michael ).  I say, “Shoot.”  I say “Fucking Fuck!”  blah!  no I sigh instead.  Okay, so I have some work to do there.  In French, in turns out, they too have alternative words to use to express what they really mean.  So if you want to say “Merde!” you can say “MERcredi.”  I know I will use this often.  I would like to build some good habits as I learn another language.

Now I was going to follow up with some Public Enemy, but Brent found this gem the other day.  No need to review my potty mouthed past, let’s begin again with some clean French chart toppers.  I order you to watch this from beginning to end.  You will smile, bop and perhaps learn some French that doesn’t include the word “Merde!”



Now I must investigate “C U Next Tuesday.”  I’m sure I was offended at some point and didn’t even know it ( thanks for that, Gary ).

Votre Leçon Française Aujourd’hui


Your French lesson today: When I say “your” I mean me.

I rely heavily on context, nouns, verbs and body language to have a conversation.  But, there are these little words and phrases I let slip by as white noise.  I’m not sure what they said, but I know they “want to buy beef.”  Or “they think she will come soon,” but their face says they aren’t sure.

Things I hear and now know how to spell:

“je crois” == I think

“quand meme” == anyway

“alors” == then ( but I think people say it because it sounds good.   )

“mais bon” == okay, I’m done trying to understand you and I will make my way out the door.

“le temps c’est de la merde” == the weather is shit


In our ( my ) last French lesson, I said that “brown” was “poo finger.”  Thankfully, I know a person from France who corrected my error.  As much as I want “brown” to be “poo finger,” sadly, this is not correct.  The color brown/green is “caca d’oie.”  To my not-so-great French, this is “goose poo.”  Not quite “poo finger,” but still wonderful imagery.  We’ll get to the bottom of this.

*fancy ‘c’ curtesy of google translate


Vous Comprenez?


There was a point in my life when I was FLUENT in Spanish. More specifically, fluent in Spanish with the buying and selling of expensively priced costume jewelry. Oh how the mehee-canas loved me. Shortly after that, I moved up to the great northwest and lost all but those phrases exclaimed by my favorite mouse and yours, Señor Speedy Gonzales. El Gringo Pussygato, “¡Arriba, arriba, arriba, ándale, ándale, olé, olé, olé, ándale!” But, I was fluent. I used to be. Now, as I learn French the crazy roman idiosyncrasies that English left out as it evolved (linguists can splian I’m sure) comes naturally. Spanish and French structures are not all that different. Pero, Mais, But the verbs are far apart. For the first eight months, I’ve been slack on my French language study. There is too much sun, too many baguettes and too many types of cheese to distract one from learning zee language. But the farm looms. We are to hoping to direct our sales to that of restaurants and niche markets. Which means, I must learn French parfaitement … d’une forme parfaite! And so, I’ve been hardcore French study girl cranked to eleven rated XXX, 24/7 you-buy-it-we-pack-it, word. Which has been quickly improving even in the last five days. I used to be that smiling foreigner smiling in the corner smiling and saying, “it’s good! It’s good!” It’s AAAALLLLL good. When people would ask me if I understood what they were saying (vous comprenez?) I would nod and say, “it’s good.” This is no longer so. I now hear “vous comprenez” with confidence providing a firm retort of “oui!” Yes, I understand!! I do. I can give people things. I can say I’m doing fine. I can buy things. I can go places. She runs fast. They are tired. Really, I could go on and on. Faut que je m’arrête. Okay, so maybe I google translated that one, but I knew “but,” “must,” “stop,” and “I” … just not in that order. There will be a point in my life when I’m all Bjourn Identity, speaking French naturally, rolling off the tongue like bullshit at a status meeting. Today, on disc two of twelve with five or so episodes each I approach with enthusiam because this will grow our business. My superb French will help us kick arse with our superior products. I’m excited and motivated. Fuck yeah! Or whatever the French equivalent is for that…